Who is This Mr. Claus

“…He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake! You’d better watch out, you’d better not cry. You’d better not pout, I’m tellin‘ you why. Santa Claus is coming to town…”

What in the world is that song talking about!!!!???? I’ve been thinking about that song all night while at work and I’ve come to the conclusion that Santa is one of two things. He is either God. Or he is creepy stalker man with large beard. There is really no in between. So lets poll! Who is this Santa man (if that is his real name)?

Arguments for God:

  1. He sees all and know all
  2. He shows up every Christmas (kind of like Jesus)
  3. He likes to give gifts
  4. He punishes those who are undeserving (lump o’ coal)
  5. He has a big grey beard (like God)
  6. He’s got a large heart.
  7. He’s jolly, but quite firm
  8. He can fly (albeit with reindeer, but lets not split hairs)

Arguments for Molester:

  1. He’s an old fat man who is obsessed with children
  2. He like kids to sit on his lap all day long while whispering their hearts desires in his ear
  3. He sneaks into peoples locked houses at night
  4. He sees you when you’re sleeping
  5. He watches and knows everything that you do
  6. He keeps a detailed list of all that you do
  7. His life/factory is run by elves (aka, little boys)
  8. He only comes once a year and when he does it’s in the chimney.

Ok, lets pick sides.

6 thoughts on “Who is This Mr. Claus

  1. …I think you just wanted to use the punch line…on desperate housewives Sunday, the molestor WAS Santa Clause. He got kicked out of the party.and finally,there is a commercial on TLC with a little boy washing a boat in the driveway. Dad comes out and says "hey- when you're done with that, I'm going to need you to organize those drill bits in the garage""But Daaaad…""Hey now– who doesn't like a whiner?"*pouting voice* "Santa…""that's right Santa"the christmas moral is that you should use the power of Santa wisely.Let that be a lesson to all of us that Santa Clause is clearly Dumbledor.

  2. Coal, not cole. Santa is not going to bring you presents unless you learn to spell. He also will not touch you inappropriately, which is just as disappointing.Sincerely, Roni

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *