This is a post that not everybody will want to read. I’ll keep the details to a minimum as best I can…

I’ve had a bloody nose before. I’ve sprained my ankle pretty severely. I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed. But my first surgery was today.
I found myself strangely calm after I got into the waiting room. My heart wasn’t racing, I felt quite comfortable, and not too generally worried at this point. My nurse had only been working in urology for a month, she’s just filling in because they were short staffed. Normally she works with colons and other lower end parts. The whole time she prepared everything and washed my body she looked as though she was going to vomit. I’m not sure why, but that was my perception. Feeling very comfortable I asked her many questions, “how did you get into urology”, “do you have any good stories” etc. I talked to her about my brother-in-law Ben who had a horrific experience, I talked about my aunt Tina who works in urology too. We talked quite a bit…all while she scrubbed my “body”.
When it came time for the surgery the doctor about killed me when he pulled out a (I’m being very literal here) syringe with a needle that was 2.5 inches long and that was probably a quarter inch thick. The doctor looked over and saw his mistake and said “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re not supposed to let you see this. We’re not doing a very good job are we?” I just laughed uncomfortably. After drawing some fluids into the syringe he pulled off the needle and put on a much more appropriate smaller one. I was quite relieved. The most painful part was getting injected with the numbing stuff, which felt about as painful as any other needle prick (I hate needles in general). After that it was just a strange sensation of pulling and pressure. He did make me jump at one point when he accidentally pinched a part that wasn’t numbed, but besides that there was no pain.
The worst part was not hearing the sizzle of him cauterizing my flesh, the worst part was the smell of my burnt flesh that permeated the room.
All in all, it was quick, easy, and worth the end results. At the end of the procedure I got back in my clothes and they wheeled me out to my car where my wife was waiting. It felt a little strange getting wheeled through the lobby in a wheelchair, everybody knowing what I had just done. It felt even more strange because I felt perfectly capable of walking out of the hospital on my own. I commented to the nurse “is this really necessary or is it just to make the guys feel good?” to which she responded “It’s just precautionary.” which I took as-no, it’s not necessary, men are just babies when it comes to those parts and we’re trying to baby them a little.
Now it’s just ice packs, Tylenol, and rest. Wish me luck, and in a few months I’ll actually know if I’m sterile!
Oh, one last note that only the males should read…the doctor began to leave the room, but then poked his head back in and said (and I quote) “Ryan Woods, your body is most impressive. Your wife must be very happy.”*

*This may or may not have been a day dream caused by the medicine, I’m currently uncertain, though I believe it to have happened.