Love you Mom…

I don’t care if it’s cliche, I love my mama. This morning my sister and I will take her out for breakfast in North Portland to my new favorite place (it’ll be her favorite too i’m sure). Normally Mother’s Day is a whirlwind of activity, church gatherings to plan, the mother of my children to care for, my mother to care for, my grandma to care for, my wife’s mother to care for, etc. Lots of planning and figuring out and all that jazz. This year we’ve just returned from being with most of those moms in Disneyland and we’re choosing simplicity above all else. So in a few hours I’ll go on a quiet date, just the three of us–dad was uninvited. Tomorrow I’ll be at home where there will be a quiet meal around the table with my wife, me, and our kids (don’t worry, my wife won’t be cooking). Quiet. Simple. But together.

But don’t let the simplicity of all this fool you. My wife is the most amazing mom I’ve ever seen in action and my mom is the most perfect mom I could have ever wanted or needed. Today is my mom’s day, so let me share a bit about her with you.

I grew up in a very safe home. I don’t mean safe from guns and violence (though those are both completely true) but I always felt loved. Always. There was never ever a doubt that my mom cared for me, wanted the best for me, and would do anything to meet my needs along the way (which I should clarify means not meeting every want of course). I remember her as a mom who was willing to do what it took to engage her children, to invite us into learning and to free play. The simple fact alone that she was involved enough in our schooling to know that it was best for us to be pulled out and to be home-schooled at a time when it was literally on the edge of being illegal (am I right?). My mom was a pioneer in many senses of the word–not only did she occasionally dress up like a pioneer (Tara do you have those pictures?) and have us do the same but I’m realizing that I think it’s her fault that as I’ve grown older I’ve been drawn to the life of a guinea pig in many ways. Exploring new ideas and questioning the status quo is something that I’m realizing I learned from her–what a gift!

My mom was always attentive–to the point that she stressed and worried constantly about being inattentive. As the youngest child of a youth minister’s kid I got dragged around to every youth group event for all of my life…and yet I was never ever forgotten or ignored. I had a special and unique birthday party during literally every Summer youth group mission trip. I remember a season when my mom chose not to go to youth group activities and instead the two of us would go to McDonalds together on dates, spending time together away from the crowds. She worked hard to make sure her children felt special and cared for, unique, and above all loved. What more can a child ask for?

My mom is a learner. She’s always learning. I have vivid memories of her Bibles over the years–as a matter of fact I could sit here and tell you about each one, about their color, their type, and even the type of binding that they had. They were always tattered and well used. With any book (especially the Bible) she’s a terrible highlighter. If something isn’t starred, underlined, or highlighted it must be pretty boring–’cause everything else is covered! For most of my memory my mom would be awake before us, reading the story of God, highlighting, and journaling through it. She doesn’t just take in information but she’s constantly seeking integration–what does this have to do with my life, how can I be a better lover of people, etc.? She’s always been a learner and it is something that I’ve not only carried with me into adulthood but crave to pass onto my children. I love that about her.

I could write so much more! I could write about waking up each morning to the sound of oatmeal bowls hitting the table. I could write about memorizing scripture together in the mornings. I could write about defining family road trips to Yellowstone, Canada, and Californian. I could write about her stranding me in the Yosemite river. I could write about the sacrifice and gift of homeschooling and what that meant for our family. I could write about her love of snow and the fun we’d all have anticipating its coming. I could write about her bravery in entering into counseling and paving the way for her family to do the same. I could write about how she’s cared for my wife as a daughter and what that has meant for me as a son. I could write about partnering with my mom in church planting and what it’s like to become friends with your parents. I could write…so so much more! But at this point it’s gotten to that awkward moment where my wife is beginning to wake next to me and the tears that are streaming down my face will make for a strange waking!

Mom I hope you know beyond everything else that I love you and I’m so grateful that you were the person who raised me, Jen, and Tara. What more could we ask for than to know beyond everything else that we are and were loved children, and that we are and were cared for, that you will and would do anything for us? Time and time again you’ve proved all this to be true. Thank you. I love you.

Life has not been what we expected or anticipated in more ways than just the ridiculousness of the last year. “Surprising” and “ridiculous” might just be the words to define our lives in general, let alone this last year. The journey we’ve all been on has sucked in many ways and I’m tempted to end this note of appreciation and gratitude with an expletive or two…and I think that you’d agree and get it…I think that of all people you’d see that as a fitting end to this post! You’d get it ’cause it’d be absolutely ridiculous for this to be my last Mother’s Day to tell you that I love you. It’s just not right. So…just in case…just in case I get another year or seventeen, I’ll leave this blog post polished up and decent! I love you so much mom and I want to tell you thank you for your gift of taking care of me, my sisters, my wife, and my kids. Thank you for your example as a woman of God, as a learner, as a pioneer, and as a lover of people.

See you in a few hours for breakfast.

7 thoughts on “Love you Mom…

  1. Good Morning, Brother! Thank you for a peek into your soul and your feelings about your Mom. What a blessing to be raised by such a godly woman. Tomorrow will be the first Mother’s Day, in almost 61 years, that my mom will not be here…she has recently gone home to the Father! having accepted God’s grace at the age of 88, last June, is the greatest legacy she could leave behind. We love you and your family and you are constantly in our prayers. The brethren here in Paso Robles, CA send their love as well!

  2. i just want to breathe this in, treat it like a new Proverbs 31 and study it…to use it in place of the mothering I didn't receive and be sure to give my daughter the deep, resounding, powerful and godly parenting that your mom (and dad) gave you….wow.

  3. You honored your mom, just as the Proverbs 31 woman ("her children rise up and call her blessed"). Amazing. I can't tell you how much this post affected me, being a mommy. I only hope I can be even half as good at being a mommy as she has been to you, to raise a son who continues to impact thousands of people. Thank you Lord for this beautiful family.

  4. Ryan, what a wonderful tribute to your Mom! Bet she was crying all thru the reading of this post…..I was! I don't think any Mom in the world really would ask for more than to be loved, respected and honored by their children. As a Mom of 3 amazing adult children you work SO hard over the years to make sure your children feel loved, cared for, and protected all the years of becoming adults, and then you still want that for them! Funny, but just because you grow up, doesn't mean you stop being your Mom's "baby boy"! To us….our children are simply that "our children"….Bless you for living your life with NO regrets….any one and every one, knows how you feel about them…..you are leaving "big footprints" on all our hearts…just simply being you!!!! Take care….and you keep fighting!!!!! Hugs….

  5. I remember so well when your mom and Kevin first came to North Bend OR, in what I think may have been Kevin's first youth ministry job. Brenda did not seek the spotlight. She was quiet and supportive of Kevin. I even sensed way back then the importance that family was to her. Kevin was an idea a minute, and most of his idea's were creative and brilliant. I bet if you asked your dad, he would tell you that he would have burned out if it wasn't for Brenda's support and encouragement for him to take time for family and rest. If any of that is even remotely accurate it makes a statement about the impact that your mom and dad had on me, because I was only 13 when you all left North Bend. Ryan, You and your family will be in our prayers.

  6. What a blessing your writings are. I am touched over and over again with your thoughts and so grateful for your vulernatbility to share. Peace and mercy Ryan – especially peace. Linda

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