Blaming God for Cancer

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One of the questions I often get is “do you blame God for making you sick?” My quick and easy (for me) response is “no, not at all.” I don’t blame God for making me sick, I don’t think he made me sick, and as a matter of fact I think he’s equally sad as I am that I’m sick.

Hold on.

Before I dig deeper here let me make sure you’re fully aware that in no way am I going to make an argument defending God, defending the idea that if God has the ability to heal me and does not he is somehow culpable and guilty of killing me, etc. Some of you are raising your hands, shaking your fists, and demanding that God be put on trial (rightfully so maybe). Others of you are standing up, shaking your fists, and are making a list of bullet points to absolutely prove why God is just in killing me ’cause he’s teaching me a lesson (or disciplining me or what have you). Well let me say that I’m not going to please any of you because first off I don’t want to attempt to articulately figure all this out. Secondly I don’t believe that it’s my job to defend God. He can do that himself if he so desires. Thirdly, I don’t know if I’m able to make an adequate argument.

So.

I don’t believe that God made me sick. One of my most foundational beliefs, something that everything else builds off of is that God is good. The clearest picture I have of who God is, is in Jesus. My belief is that when I see Jesus I am seeing God. Therefore if I want to know how God feels about sickness I look at Jesus. If I want to know what God thinks about humanity I look at Jesus. If I want to know what God would do at a party I look at Jesus. If I want to know about God one of the most clear ways is to look at Jesus…’cause they’re kinda one and the same. When I look at Jesus I see a guy who grieved over the brokenness of the world, who wept over death (to the point that he occasionally reversed it), and who didn’t seem to be satisfied with sickness (and healed accordingly).

Cancer is a reminder that this world is utterly broken. Things have spiraled out of control and continue to do so. War, hatred, sickness, disease, addiction, abuse, lust, and greed (among so many other things) fight to control our world and transform it into what it was never intended to be. These things, as we experience them, remind us that things are not as they should be, things are not right! And in no way do I have space to believe that God is the culprit. Nope. Instead, my belief is that God is the source of all things good, of love, of hope, of peace, of beauty, of sex, of joy, of kindness, of generosity, of gentleness, and of fresh organic strawberries. Those things come from God because that is who God is–he is good. Cancer is not one of those things. It does not come from God. Cancer is in opposition to God–hell on earth, if you will. God hates cancer because it is in opposition to what he is all about: life.

So do I blame God for my cancer? Absolutely not.

The question, though, that we’re all obviously stuck asking is “But God, why don’t you heal me of it?” If he is able to heal me and does not isn’t he still equally culpable? Let me throw out some random thoughts here. This isn’t an attempt to defend things fully, but rather a random collection of my own musings about this question that obviously plagues me from time to time…

  • At some point every single person is going to not be healed. What I mean is that even if I get healed now, at some point I won’t be…’cause at some point I’m going to be deader than dead. Whether it’s now or later it’s gonna happen. Healing is the ultimate bandaid, it’s only temporary.
  • I have absolutely no idea why one person gets healed and another doesn’t. I want to know why my friends eight year old daughter didn’t get healed from the same cancer that I have. Of all people little Hadley deserved to be healed–more than me and more than you. She was innocent and beautiful in every single way; she deserved healing. But she didn’t get it. And I don’t know why. If Hadley wasn’t healed why should I think that I deserve to be healed? Most likely…it has nothing to do with deserving it…right?
  • I feel complete freedom to be pissed at God, to tell him what I think. I’m pretty sure God can handle my anger. Just because I don’t blame doesn’t mean that I’m not mad that I haven’t been healed yet. There are certain things where anger is a completely appropriate response…and I think cancer can be one of them. And in no way whatsoever do I think that God gets mad if I express anger. Actually, as a matter of fact, I tend to think that God is pleased (maybe not the best word choice) when I am angry about things that he’s also probably angry about!
  • I try to realize and remember that I don’t know jack. I mean, seriously, what kind of perspective do I have in the big scheme of things? I think about my kids at Disneyland. They kept wanting to buy those big giant suckers that look really cool. But the thing is, they taste like crap and my kids hate them. Every time they buy one of them they regret it and wish they had bought something else. I know better than them. I do. I’ve got more perspective, I’ve got a better memory, I have more information…I just know better. I’m the dad. Ok, maybe that’s not the best illustration, but the idea that God knows better is important to me because if he truly is good (as my foundational assumption tells me he is) then I can trust that he’s not trying to screw me or those I love over. All of his activity is first and foremost motivated by love. always. (more than I can say for myself as a father or any other dads I know).
  • In his time on earth Jesus didn’t heal everybody. We read some of the spectacular stories of him healing somebody while ignoring the fact that he stepped over one cripple to get to another who then walked away on his own two feet. At times it had to do with the request made by the individual–but the reality is that there were many in Jerusalem and the surrounding area who remained sick, who stayed dead, and who Jesus did not heal. I don’t know why. But it’s true. And don’t tell me that it’s just a matter of faith. Don’t tell me that the only reason some were not healed was because they lacked faith–try reading the rest of the Bible and tell me that Stephen, James, and every single other apostle and leader and follower of Jesus lacked faith ’cause guess what? They all died! Some of them even brutally and tragically!
No, God never made a promise to heal me. I hope he does and I’m going to bug the hell out of him asking him to do so. But he didn’t make that promise. He promised me that I’ll always be loved. He promised me a new body that doesn’t suck. He promised me a restored world that isn’t broken. He promised me that I’m created in his perfect image. And he promised me that he’s faithful and will keep his promises. And he chose to let himself die to prove it.
Why do I not blame God? I guess it’s because over the years I’ve come to trust him. If you’re new to faith or the idea of faith I wouldn’t expect you to trust him like that necessarily. Trust is earned right? But I hope that my story, as your seeing it lived out, is inviting you to give him a chance. Let Jesus grow on you a bit and see if he doesn’t earn your trust eventually. It’s a scary thing to open yourself up like that, but it just might be worth it.

Related posts:

  1. Healing or Death…or something in-between
  2. Can’t Help But Hope
  3. Top 15 Things I've Learned About Fighting Cancer

84 thoughts on “Blaming God for Cancer”

  1. There are No words to say of your beautiful writings I am so imspired by the words you right. Thank you . I too have been praying to God to heal you since I found out about your illness.

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  2. Oh Ryan, what beautiful and true words you write. You continue to touch my heart and change my life through your faith. Your journey and the sharing thereof, has increased my faith, lifting my eyes more towards the One who never fails us. I, too, will bug the hell out of God for your earthly healing, as the world needs you and your gifts.

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  4. just thank you. Your eloquence and just honest transparency is beautiful and I it helps me to remember to be thankful when I might be feeling low or like things are total crap.

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  5. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" (said Job). Paul prayed twice to remove a problem from his side. It wasn't removed. "The rain falls on the just and unjust". You can say things just happen, but, then the Paul says God is working all things…
    In otherwords, things are complicated and there are shades of gray.

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  8. Thank YOU from the deepest part of my soul for this!!! I countinue to PRAY for your sweet family and healing or GODS will for yourself!!

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  11. Excellent perspective. Thanks for putting this out there for those who are thinking of turning away from God in the midst of whatever battle they are fighting. We're "seeing your good deeds and glorifying our Father in Heaven." Thank you.

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  12. Ryan, thank you for your words. It is important for us to hear you, bear witness to your faith and walk with you. Lament is not necessarily blaming God, but it is looking to God who is the source of life. Thank you.

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  13. He does earn it. As I look back at the times I was in the dark places, I came to depend on the days where I could see him moving. It was almost like a game, hide-and-seek with God to see where his love would be manifest in some unimagined place. I also got to take my kids to Disneyland. Some days I couldn’t see him at all. Some days I cried out and there was no response. He never left. It’s hard to explain that in the seemingly darkest day you can imagine He is still there but it’s true. I thought that the only thing worse would be to have been in the dark days not believing that there was a God of love. How sad to have no hope. Bask in the love and remember it in the dark days ahead.

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  14. As a fellow sufferer (and for now survivor) I thank you for your perspective. It is so easy to say "God is good" when the CT scan and bloodwork come back clean. The important bit is to still be able to say it when I realize I'm on the losing side of the 51-49% five year split. Theology, like so many other things, is all sorts of fun right up to the point that they install the port in your chest then suddenly it is no longer theology. It has become life. The "follow Me" has taken on a fundamentally different meaning.

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  15. The Psalms are an amazing testimony and witness in themselves to the permissions granted by God to tell him any and all of the emotion we are swimming through. I take great comfort in knowing that others before me have told God things like "Wake up — why are you sleeping? How will I praise you from the dust!" Strong words for strong emotions! Praying for you each yet.

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  16. Does writing about it and having us read your words help you in this ordeal? I hope so. I know I feel better when I write out my thoughts about a problem I'm having.
    hope I never get cancer but I guess it's on the cards. hope if/when I do I feel like you do. Even if I don't I might just write as if I do, try the feeling on for size. Writing lets us do that doesn't it, and might allow us to actually do more than just try it on. I'm thinking of the "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief" guy in Mark's gospel – he might have discovered that.
    Thanks for your thoughts and your courage. I have to say it reminds me of Paul and his attitude to suffering and coming death, and it occurs to me maybe you have quite a lot in common with him. Maybe that's what God's thinking too. Lucky you, I guess. :)

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  17. Great post. Thank you for a perspective that does not sugar coat the pain and is also not cynical. I am praying for you and yours

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  18. I heard one time that death IS the ultimate healing..small comfort now though for the sweet family you would have to leave behind. It is hard to wrap our mind around that His Kingdom will always trump our human needs and wants for ourselves and loved ones.

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  21. Loved this post. This is a conversation I have heard a hundred times and your perspective makes it crystal clear. It makes me look at where I am in my beliefs. If I were in your shoes, would I have enough faith to continue to trust in Him. Him in me and his mark on my life. Would I allow my entire being to rely and rest in him. I know in my core that his plan for all of us is so much greater than we could ever imagine. Like the lollipop in Disneyland scenario- if we knew what he knows- we could let go of all the fears that confine us-that scare us -that control us here on earth. We could take the step past death and know that there is so much more in store. This is why it is so important for all of us to love one another- regardless of what our society tells us to think, speak or feel towards each other. Love is the only thing that surpasses death and surpasses our greatest fears. We have to stop believing in the lie that death is the end. It is not the end. From our earthly perspective it looks like the end but if we could see what our heavenly fathers sees- we would know it is the beginning of something HUGE. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Its such a great gift to give- at a time when you may feel like you have nothing more to give. Thank you.

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  22. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer. You are truly an inspiration and like Esther, maybe you have been created for such a time as this. Your sharing your faith will bring souls to Christ and, after all is said and done, isn't that why we are here? You're an amazing young man. Our prayers are with you and your family!

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  24. When my wife and I had a miscarriage I asked some similar questions…I agree about the getting angry part. I think God is just as angry about some of these things as we are. That is why it says in 1 Cor 15 that the last enemy to be defeated is death. Death is defeated and death is an enemy to God's creation. So when we get angry about death, we get angry about something God is angry about. That means we agree with God on the matter. Christianity has all but made death our friend…just a simple passageway from one thing to the next. There is more to it than that. Death is more insidious than that. Revelation says Christ holds the keys to death…in the end, God gets his way and redeems and restores it all. That is all so very hopeful! You are in my prayers brother.

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  25. Cancer, I command you to leave Ryan's body NOW!!! In Jesus name. I release life into your body. From head to toe into every cell in your body, I release the power of God into you. Satan, you cannot have Ryan. You are a liar, and a thief. I cancel your plans right now!! Amen!.

    Ryan, my wife's Dad died of cancer. If I knew what I now know, it's possible that he would not have died. I know that there are people who may think that the way I'm talking is offensive. Well, Jesus offended people when he healed on a Sabbath. I believe that setting people free is a responsibility for believers. We do't speak to God about sickness. We speak to sickness about God.

    Please do a couple of things Ryan. Go to http://www.touchofgodradio.org/resources/ and post a prayer request or call the number. The guy who runs that site is Marc Wheelan. Lovely guy. He works full time but every Saturday he takes calls over the air and prays for people. You can listen to past programs there. I also recommend you calling this number 1-888-293-6591 (it's a US number). It's the JGLM (John G Lake Ministries) prayer request line. You might have to leave a message. People will pray for you and stick with you to get you healed.

    Hope you are ok with this Ryan. Stand on Satan, he's under your feet.

    Darren.

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  28. I'm sorry to hear about your illness. My mother has cancer and has had it since 2004. It's beyond difficult and I suffer right along with her. But I have to ask, if cancer doesn't come from God, he who has created everything that exists, where do you believe cancer comes from? Or HIV? or earthquakes? or any other disaster or crisis for that matter? I for one strongly believe that God is good (just as you have stated) and that he is all loving, all forgiving, etc. But does that mean that the difficult, painful, or disastrous events come from someone other than the creator? Do you believe it is Satan?
    I sincerely think it's wonderful that you trust in God and do not 'blame' him for your disease. But would it not be just as beautiful to believe that God does give cancer…but for a good and wonderful reason that we might not fully comprehend. And that we, as true believers, trust in him that his plan for us…even in disaster and death…is a good one. Just another way of looking at it. God bless you and continue to guide you :)

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  29. Your writing is truly inspiring and thought provoking. On the lighter side — you really made me laugh with your line about "bugging the hell out of God". I don't know why, exactly, it just made me COL (chuckle out loud).

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  30. I read a lot of writings about 'theology' which I'm sure makes me some kind of geek. What I just read here is the best piece (outside of Psalms 23 and 139). It's not just that I think it's so accurate (which I do). It's because it's so real. Theology is totally unimportant and unimteresting to me if it is just grandiose theoririzing about the nature and existence of God. You are none of that. You are a witnress to the nature and existence of God, a letter written on my heart (and obviously many others). God has revealed Himself in many ways in this world displaying His love, His power and His wisdom. I'm never too good at grasping it. I'm not fully grasping it in your situation. But I'm definitely seeing God revealed!
    God Bless!!

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  31. Rybeeeeee,

    GOD Love ya,

    Thanks for your blogs!

    I love your openness & honesty!

    Hey, when we ALL get to heaven (Brent, myself & you) you two might be able to beat me in basketball.

    Remember, how many times I kicked your asses out side your house in basketball!!

    LMAO & LOL

    Don’t freak out people, us 3 are not the only ones going to Heaven! GET SAVED or get right w/ GOD and you can watch me kill these two CLOWNS again in basketball.

    ” The BIBLE is like a roaring Lion, let it out of it’s cage & it will defend it’s SELF.

    C.H. Spurgeon

    Got to love Spurgeon.

    LOVE you Bro, you & your family are in our prayers, hourly, daily.

    Love,

    Uncle Rick & Family

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  32. I love this post! I was born with a disability and someone once told me that it's "because you were a bad person in a past life". My response to that was "Bull-pucky". I may have been born with this (Spina Bifida) but I've survived 21 operations along with multiple other complications and I'm still here. And, for as long as I'm here, I thank God for that.

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  33. The words you have written here have changed my life. I could never explain it, but I will never forget what it is that you have shared with me through this post. Thank you for being who you are and sharing yourself with the world during these difficult days. May you find joy and peace in every day.

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  34. I just found your blog through Love Bomb, and your story is heartbreaking and touching at the same time. One of our closest family friends just lost his battle with cancer, and I have seen first hand the struggles that everyone close to the person with cancer must experience. Your thoughts in this post are incredible though. We ended up at a similar train of thought in my Christian philosophy class the other day, but to read the beautiful and honest way you phrase it is inspiring, to say the least. Your love for God and your family is so obvious and you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  35. Amazed and inspired by how you deal with cancer. Ryan, you are an inspiration. I bet Jesus is so proud of you right now. Sending prayers your way – keep the faith dude. You're touching and changing lives just by being who you are. Respect.

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  36. There are so many types of healing. My brother-in-law died 2 weeks ago after a 4 year fight. During the past 4 years, he has been on many mission trips, including one with me and Patty Kunkle in Mexico. He was a 3rd culture kid, born and raised with his missionary parents. When they returned to Canada when he was 12, he went through extreme culture shock which lasted into his adult years. It was only in the last 4 years that he was able to talk about it with his extended family and to come to a place of healing with that time in his life. I prayed for healing for him and God healed the broken pieces in his life.

    I pray for you and your healing, Ryan. I pray for your family, wife and children, and your extended family.

    God bless.

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  38. Thanks for this post. It was a privilege to meet you and Jessica and to pray for you both in the prayer room at Exponential. I'm standing with you and so many others who are continuing to pray for your healing. I look forward to your next post to see what God may have already done in you since this last post!

    Jenny Noyes

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  51. Cancer, I command you to leave Ryan's body NOW!!! In Jesus name. I release life into your body. From head to toe into every cell in your body, I release the power of God into you. Satan, you cannot have Ryan. You are a liar, and a thief. I cancel your plans right now!! Amen!.

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  52. I loved your post. While I don't have cancer, I struggle with many of these same questions. Thanks for taking the time.
    v2 cigs electronic cigarette

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  55. Cancer, I control you to leave Ryan's human body NOW!!! In Christ name. I launch life into your human body. From head to toe into every cell in your human body, I launch the power of God into you. The devil, you cannot have He. You are a liar, and a robber. I terminate your plans right now!! Amen!.

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  56. just thank you. Your eloquence and just honest transparency is beautiful and I it helps me to remember to be thankful when I might be feeling low or like things are total crap

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  65. There are no words to adequately comment on the inspiration of your post. How beautifully you articulated your position in the scheme of things. God is in control. I pray that God holds you close, instills in you the awareness of his presence, blesses you with his powerful healing, and gives you the peace that only he can give.

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  73. As a fellow sufferer (and for now survivor) I thank you for your perspective. It is so easy to say "God is good" when the CT scan and bloodwork come back clean. The important bit is to still be able to say it when I realize I'm on the losing side of the 51-49% five year split. Theology, like so many other things, is all sorts of fun right up to the point that they install the port in your chest then suddenly it is no longer theology. It has become life. The "follow Me" has taken on a fundamentally different meaning.

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