I’m sitting in bed with my wife at Mcmenamins Edgefield after sitting in the soaking tub for an hour. Not all speaking engagements are this wickedly awesome. I was blessed to be invited to share with the Renovo Church folk as they are here on a retreat for the weekend…and let me tell you, this is an amazing place to hold a retreat!
Lately I’ve been feeling a sense of invitation to share my story more. Obviously (if you’re reading this) you know that I’ve blogged extensively all throughout my journey of fighting cancer but this has been something that I’ve done from the comfort of my own home, from cafes downtown, and even as I was sitting in my hospital bed for weeks. I’ve taken few opportunities to speak, feeling as though I wasn’t ready yet to venture out in such a vulnerable way. In writing there is always a bit of separation between you and your audience, there’s time to tweak things prior to publishing (though my wife chides me for never doing so), there’s a level of safety in writing that is not found in public speaking. Don’t get me wrong, I love a microphone and I love speaking–but sharing amidst the untidiness of my story of being sick has invited me into a whole new level of vulnerability. It would be easier if I were all better. It would be easier if I was speaking or teaching about how I was healed from terminal cancer. But that’s not the story that God is inviting me to share (not yet at least). No, my story is about the struggle, about the tension, and about what it means to have hope in resurrection.
So a few weeks ago I was blessed to share with the Renovatus Church community about our Grassroots Conspiracy work and about the story that God is inviting all of us into weather sick or healthy. It was fun and I was so glad to do it. I’m in conversation with three other groups about speaking…and we’ll see what happens there. And while I still have very little time available to me after I subtract the time used up due to medical visits and my current chemo schedule (not to mention leading Grassroots, my family, etc.) I’m beginning to create time in my schedule for these (and other) speaking engagements. I think it’s important and I think it is part of what is next for me in my journey.
Contact me if you’d like me to come share with your group. My story isn’t very tidy, it’s still a complete mess, but it is one of hope, and it’s one I want need to share.
ryan@grassrootsconspiracy.com